The Road to Apathy
by radcliffe bass
Summary: Draco Malfoy is a lot of things, although a dreamer is not one of them. A remix of bgd thrifty's Apathy Will Get You in the End at LiveJournal. *slash, shounen ai - please feel free to skip if you don't like the genre, thank you!*


**Author:** radcliffe bass

**Title:** The Road to Apathy

**Pairing(s):** Harry/Draco

**Rating:** R

**Warnings:** Mention of blood and violence

**Summary:** Draco Malfoy is a lot of things, although a dreamer is not one of them. A remix of **bgd_thrifty's** _Apathy Will Get You in the End_ at LiveJournal.

**Word Count:** 1922

**Disclaimer:** All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. The drabble which this remix was based on, _Apathy Will Get You in the End_ was _written by bgd_thrifty_. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's notes:** Written for bgd_thrifty for **Volume 4.0 **of **hd_remix **at **LiveJournal**. Much love and thanks to **niteshine** at LiveJournal for betaing my story on such short notice. All mistakes post-beta are mine. Happy reading!

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><p>If there's one thing that Draco Malfoy's thankful to Harry Potter for – it was defeating the Dark Lord. Some people might say that it sounded so hypocritical, given the fact that his father <em>was<em> (emphasis on the tense being a thing of the past) a steadfast supporter of the Dark Lord's ideas, but Draco didn't give a shit. Living with the pitiful excuse of a half-life during the holidays of his seventh year forced him to re-evaluate _his_ loyalties. And Draco realized early on that following a half-dead madman who was hell bent on destroying a mere seventeen year old orphan was not part of his future plans.

So Draco does stupid simple things that he hopes can save him when all of the madness is over. He may have cowered in fear and screamed like a girl - when he was being punished for letting Potter slip the time the Snatchers brought the Golden Trio to Malfoy Manor – but the end result was worth all the pain.

Draco admits that he's one of the most cowardly people in existence – but he was the coward who indirectly helped Harry Potter escape twice - and whose Mother was brave enough to lie to the Dark Lord in order to save her son.

That's why it isn't a surprise when Potter, Weasley, and Granger testified on their behalf. Thus, earning him and his mother a lighter sentence for their war crimes. Even if he had to spend his summer helping rebuild Hogwarts, Draco won't complain. He'd gladly take manual labor over a stint in Azkaban.

He knows his sentence won't be a walk in the park. There are still a few people who will blame him for crimes he never committed simply by association – or simply hate him on the basis of who he is – but he won't let them rain on his parade. He doesn't expect people to welcome him with open arms but he'll be damned if he'll let them ruin this new beginning. He has been given a second chance and he would not dare waste it.

It's time to channel his inner courage and to hell to anyone who gets in the way.

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><p>Draco Malfoy is a lot of things, although a dreamer is not one of them. He knew that from the moment Harry Potter defeated the Dark Lord, things would change for his family. Though he's not certain whether it's a turn for the better or worse. All he knows is that it probably won't be anything worse than the period the Dark Lord overstayed his welcome at Malfoy Manor.<p>

He couldn't have been more mistaken.

If he only knew that hell is exactly what anyone wants him to experience - and that 'anyone' really means everyone, he should have just accompanied his father to Azkaban. Since the nonsensical ideas like 'healing', 'forgiving and forgetting', and 'building bridges' being preached by the Ministry and the war heroes didn't help ease the hostility - at all.

By nature, people are vindictive. After all, it was the first lesson he learned from his Aunt Bellatrix (bless her poor demented soul). They could forgive a fault but they would never, ever forget. He knows that healing is a long process – he didn't expect everyone to suddenly fall all over themselves to be his friend – but he expected, no, _hoped_ that they would look past the fact that even if he's a Malfoy - he is _not_ his father. But he thinks it might be too much to ask for - you reap what you sow after all.

So Draco simply stays silent and bears it. Perhaps in due time, they would eventually forget.

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><p>But they didn't forget and his silence indirectly added fuel to the fire. The number of taunts, jabs, and insults increases every day. So does the amount of people who openly show their dislike of him. The professors could only do so much for him – and he doesn't want to impose on them – and he definitely doesn't want his tormentors to see him as a weakling.<p>

But sometimes, things just get a tad overwhelming, and he simply wants to give up. There's only so much trip jinxes that a person could handle without retaliating. But he knows that these people are just looking for an excuse – a way to justify their hunger to draw his blood. So he doesn't give them that chance. He would never point his wand towards them nor will he utter the first hex.

He knows they are patiently waiting for him to break down his defenses. Too bad for them, sixth year taught him to be more tolerant.

He doesn't break. He's mighty proud that he doesn't fucking break. He didn't cast the first curse – no, he would never be on the offensive; he'd always draw his wand in defense.

He doesn't break. _They_ do, and it fucking hurts.

Its times like this that Draco believes that fate have a grudge against him. Because whether proving he could be brave or just being a plain coward, it ends up in one thing: him lying in a pool of his own blood.

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><p>It figures that Potter and Weasley are the ones to find him. If he wasn't so afraid of dying, he might have hexed them before they could even approach him. He thanks his cowardice - even if it means being indebted to two of his least favorite people – because he wakes up in the hospital wing of the school, still alive, if a little worse for wear.<p>

Although, he could have done away with waking up to Potter sitting on the chair beside him. He doesn't understand what the hell Potter is doing there so he doesn't talk, neither does Potter. They simply stare at each other, Potter searching his face for something and him, schooling his features to that of nonchalance.

Because if there's one thing that Draco realized while lying on that bathroom floor – is that his tormentors loved the sound of his suffering – and he'd be damned if he gives Potter the same satisfaction. He wouldn't let Potter know that his cronies of self-righteous bastards led by Zacharias Smith, of all people, had finally succeeded where the Dark Lord failed.

He didn't break – but he sure is fucking tired of all this crap.

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><p>It's really ironic that during the time he needed to control his emotions, he failed. And now he's simply given up, he has finally mastered the poker face expression that the Black family has always been proud of.<p>

And it hurts because he's just yet again proven that he's _nothing but a failure_.

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><p>Its official; fate hates him a lot. What else would be the reason why the Golden Trio would suddenly decide to hang out with him every fucking minute of the day?<p>

Or maybe it has something to do with being hexed within an inch of his life. Whatever; he's not some fucking charity case.

However, if hanging out with the Golden Trio can afford him a certain level of safety, who is he to say no? Draco's a lot of things but suicidal is not one of them. So he'll let them take him under their protective wings and take advantage of what they're offering – for now.

Besides, it's amusing to see Weasley defend him from jinxes even if it's quite obvious in his facial expression that he'd rather do the hexing instead of protecting. Granger provides the intellectual stimulation he needs now that most of his… _acquaintances_ opted not to go back to Hogwarts. And Potter, Potter's a great means of practicing how to control his emotions. Potter, with those green, green eyes of his searching, _always searching_ for something in his face ever since that day in the hospital.

So yeah, Draco thinks he'll keep these three for a while. Who knows? This might help him perfect his mask, until the time when he looks at the mirror and the eyes that look back at him - are not ones even he can recognize.

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><p>The day that Draco looks at the mirror and realizes that he's perfected his mask is the day that Potter fucks him.<p>

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><p>It's been months since they started – their so-called <em>relationship<em> – and Draco knows something's bothering Potter. He doesn't say anything, but Draco knows. Because every time they fuck, Potter's becoming clingier. And those green eyes of his always, _always pierce_ through his psyche. Searching, _always searching_ for something that Draco can no longer give.

Draco won't be surprised if Potter just breaks it off one of these days. Pity, because Potter's such a good fuck.

Watching Weasley fume and lash out at him was quite amusing. Does Weasley really think his weak slurs and jabs at his non-existent conscience affects him at all?

If he could, he would roll his eyes at him. But he doesn't, because he knows that it would just agitate Weasley more and his voice was starting to grate into Draco's nerves. If Weasley doesn't shut his trap, St. Mungo's would be admitting another patient soon.

Thank Merlin; Granger must have sensed his mood because she's trying to calm Weasley down. It has always baffled him how Granger could guess when he's about to cast a hex since they always complain that they can't decipher the emotions flitting through him - all because of his damn poker face.

Perhaps, she's just more observant or maybe, she just knows that he and Weasley would never get along. So she's trying to prevent a worse-case scenario by simply ending a potential fight. It's really a mystery for him, since his – _lover? fuck buddy? What the hell should he call Potter anyway?_ – cannot, for the life of him, decipher a single emotion from his expressionless face.

The opening of the double doors of the emergency room stops his musings. The Mediwizard fills them in with Potter's condition before ushering them into his room. He lets Granger and Weasley fuss over him first. He doesn't speak, or move until Granger and Weasley leaves.

He still doesn't speak as he sits on the chair beside the hospital bed and takes Potter's hand in his. Words aren't necessary; they aren't in this relationship for the conversation. He knows that when he looks up that Potter will be staring at him intently, again with those searching eyes, for something he knows he will never find.

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><p>Potter makes these delicious noises when Draco fucks him. And Draco absolutely loves hearing those sounds from Potter. But nothing has prepared him for the emotions he sees in Potter's eyes post orgasmic bliss. And he feels his heart beat quicken.<p>

He finally understood what Potter has been looking for. Unfortunately, donning the mask has become as natural as breathing air for Draco and he wishes that Potter never finds the courage to voice out his feelings.

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><p>The wish doesn't come true. None of his true wishes ever do.<p>

"I love you," Potter tells him, biting his lip, and Draco knows that he's looking at his face again, hoping to get a reaction. And Draco hates himself because even if he feels the same way, Potter – _Harry_ – won't see the response he's hoping for.

So instead, he lets his actions speak for what his eyes and voice can't articulate. He gently places his hand on Harry's shoulder and kisses his cheek. Hoping that somehow, for now, it's enough for Harry not to give him up.

_**End.**_


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